can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
