laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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