Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
