ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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