You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my shit smells like andre
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
