Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
