theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
