I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
