omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
