I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
