she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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