p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
