I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
