So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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