Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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