rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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