i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
