come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
