using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
