hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The uberlube is also flammable
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
