So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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