Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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