I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
