do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
