I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
