I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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