is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
