being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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