Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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