how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
