...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize