I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
