The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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