He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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