Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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