That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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