lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
