so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
