I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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