I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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