No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
