i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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