I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
