discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
