We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my shit smells like andre
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
