I faked an abortion last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize