So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
