I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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