dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
sex in a hospital.. check
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize