They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize