I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
