HIV tests are more positive than that guy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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