I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
