1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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