i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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