this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
