Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
