I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
