Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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