In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
