so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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