I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize