Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
