Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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