...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Don't make out with my wife yet
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
