OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
